is what i do

FAFBLOG: But so much has changed in the last two hundred years Constitution. Isn’t there stuff in the original Constitution that doesn’t apply to our crazy world a flyin cars an internet babies?

CONSTITUTION: There’s one thing the Founding Fathers couldn’t have anticipated, Fafnir - and that’s the threat of terrorism. The men who drafted me could never have guessed that the United States would be imperiled by a foreign threat! A foreign white threat, maybe… but a foreign brown threat? The mind reels!

FAFBLOG: It’s true - 9/11 changed everything, even math and Jesus.

CONSTITUTION: And that’s why I’ve had to change to make America stronger and safer over the last four years. Treason against the United States is no longer defined as “levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort,” but as “lookin’ funny.” The Fifth Amendment has been modified to “Fuck ‘em.” The Eighth Amendment has been modified to “Fuck ‘em harder.” And instead of “Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States,” the president is now “Gilded Child of the Sun and Eater of the Stars Whose Every Whim is Law.”